Erich Segal

When I was about 15 or 16, I read several of Erich Segal's books: Love Story; Man, Woman and Child; The Class; Doctors. I remembered how much I liked his books when I saw the movie Masoom again recently. Masoom or Innocence in Hindi was based on his book Man, Woman and Child. I hated Masoom's ending, despite loving everything else about the movie, the actors, the songs, the Indian upper middle class setting. At 16, I was convinced that the acceptance of the child into the family was another benign soft-pressure for the woman to forgive the man, do what is right for him. In the book, Sheila Beckwith, leaves her husband and, at 16 in India, I knew that was the smart thing to do.

Now, as a mother of three, Shabana Azmi's character's change of heart moved me beyond words. I have changed. That the hurt wife would set aside her feelings, come around to putting the child's needs before her own hurt and anger, feels like the right thing to do, Indian or not. Whether I myself will do so if I am in such a situation, I don't know. But it feels like a worthy human characteristic to think about.

So, I talked my daughter into reading Erich Segal's books. After some persuasion, she tried Love Story. She liked it, is all she would say. Wouldn't bother with saying more, my teenager. Then this summer, she read Doctors because she is trying to rule in or rule out medicine for a career. She loved it! Enough to give me in writing what she thought about it. Now she is halfway through The Class.

Doctors was an entertaining and informing read for me. I connected with and sympathized with almost all of the characters. My one critique is that each of the four main characters that Erich Segal focused on had some kind of conclusive happiness, except for Bennett, sadly. He had worked extremely hard all of his life and had had to push through a lot of conflict, but even after the unexpected unfortunate situation that forced him to have to change his well-deserved career, there wasn’t any kind of satisfying conclusion to his story. Barney noticed that Bennett was extremely unhappy and lonely and soon after that, Bennett found out that his father died. But there wasn’t anything else about Bennett in the book.

Overall Doctors did push me toward the field of medicine, although I was turned off by the fact that none of the doctors seem to ever get enough sleep. Still, I appreciated being able to learn more about psychiatry, pediatrics, internal medicine, medical research, surgery, and gynecologist. I gained a more accurate understanding of medical school and residencies. Barney and Laura were very impressive and inspiring to me, seeing as how Barney wrote a book, Laura researched at the NIH, and both became faculty members at medical schools in New York City.

 -- Lekha Durai, July 14 ,2020

Indian food

My cooking is eclectic -- defying a routine or a preference. I grew up in Madras in a Tamil home, but my mother never cooked idlis or dosais for breakfast or a three-course meal with sambhar, rasam and yogurt for lunch or dinner. Her repertoire of dishes cooked was different from her mother's. My maternal grandmother cooked like our ancestors cooked in Kanchipuram and its nearby villages -- vegetarian peasant foods using brinjals, pumpkins, groundnuts, black-eyed peas, sweet potatoes and different varieties of greens. While still living in their village, my grandmother and her siblings cultivated paddy, harvested groundnuts and raised enough cows to luxuriously enjoy frothy milk and thick curds three meals a day. But my mother didn't appreciate my grandmother's subtle cooking when she was growing up and never got around to learning cooking from her until much older.

At 18 she was given in marriage to my father who came from Nagercoil where the cusiine is very similar to Kerala's cuisine. Lots of coconut and good fish! But being vegetarian, she embraced the habit of adding coconut in every form -- shredded, milked or thinly sliced -- to every possible dish while ignoring the fresh fish. And so she learnt how to cook some dishes -- theeyal, avial, eruseri -- from my paternal grandmother in her brief stay (couple of months) in my paternal grandparents' home. After which she learned to cook Punjabi, some Gujarati and what is generically known as "North Indian" food while living in Roorkee for a year.

My point is that I grew up in my mother's eclectic kitchen even before I muddied my cooking even further. I am no great cook but I try to cook whatever catches my fancy. Trouble is, I rarely follow a recipe to the T, which irks my kids, and I take plenty of short cuts. If they enjoy a dish they are pretty sure I won't be able to recreate it another time. If a dish didn't turn out well, they know this is because of my inability to follow a recipe, any recipe. And I am sheepish but never bother to learn from my mistakes. This is our perpetual story -- I am happy taking my chances most times I cook. So imagine my surprise that for the first time in my life I made the perfect idlis -- soft as folower petals and fluffy as clouds -- merely by using the regular stone grinder instead of a mixie. I own one of those electric stone grinders to make batter for idlis and vadais and dosais but I was too reluctant to use it. I assumed a mixie would do the job equally well. Plus, a mixie is easier to store and wash after every use. But now that I finally gave a stone grinder a try, I cannot understand what kept me from using it in the first place! You live and learn.


My kids on what one Indian dish they like and one they don't like. There seems to be a theme running through their preferences:

There is nothing better than sitting down in the evening after a long, tiring day and eating a bowl of plain yogurt, rice, and Indian pickle (usually mango or fish). Yogurt rice is such a simple yet satisfying meal that I call my comfort food. For my other favorite foods, I usually get tired of their taste by the time dinner is over. But this isn’t the case with me for yogurt rice. When eaten with pickle, this Indian staple is very flavorful and spicy, yet is still healthy.

Upma is a food that I do not crave and have mixed feelings about. Its flavor isn’t very striking and it does not contain the rich carbs and butter that parathas or naans have. Yet, upma is very healthy; it’s loaded with protein, fiber, and vitamins if cooked with vegetables. Upma is a breakfast food so when I eat it in the morning, I feel good about myself because it seems to me that I have started off my day well. So the takeaway that I have learned here is simple: food doesn’t have to taste good in order to make you feel good.

-- Lekha Durai, June 2020

I have mixed feelings on Indian food. Some things I like, some things I don’t like. Some Indian foods that I really enjoy are samosas, naan and chicken 65. Some foods that I don’t like are pacora and daal. Samosas are so delectable!! The pastry part of it is unbelievably delicious. And It’s so crispy on the outside, but soft on the inside! The filling is so flavorful and who doesn’t like potatoes? Naans are so heavenly. The texture is so soft and perfect! It tastes amazing with any kind of curry or even on its own! The flavor of chicken 65 is unmatched, I can’t even describe it. That’s all I’m going to say about it. Okay, onto Indian foods that I hate with a passion. Pacora is too much. Why would you ever fry something and add vegetables to it? If it’s going to be unhealthy, just let it be unhealthy. Also, the flavor is just bad. I don’t know what’s put into them to make the flavor taste like that, but it’s just bad. Now, onto daal. Daal is just 🤮. My mom always makes it in HUGE quantities and then force feeds it down my throat. It’s so gross in ways that I can’t even describe. The End.

-- Divya Durai, June 2020

Once upon a time, Americans weren’t aware of eastern cuisines. Many immigrant kids, especially Indian immigrant kids, felt left out because no peers understood their culture. That is not really the case today, at least for my experiences. Now, eating “ethnic” foods is suddenly a trend, probably because elite white people are trying to not feel guilty about their privilege, but whatever. Oftentimes, someone might ask me, “Are you Indian?”. When I respond, “Yes,” they get ecstatic and exclaim, “I LOVE Indian food!” Then they might talk about all of the Indian restaurants they’ve been to. But the truth is, the food that Indian restaurants serve is not really the food I eat in my family. Restaurants serve dishes that appeal to consumers, especially upper classes. But in my house, my parents often make traditional Tamil food.

The most memorable Tamil food that my mom makes is one that I have come to despise: dal. Dal is a brown, soup-like dish of lentils and vegetable, usually served with rice—what other cultures call lentil soup. There really isn’t that much wrong with its taste if it is cooked with lots of ghee (melted butter) and less vegetables. But in my house, my mom makes it healthy and thus boring—putting in squash, carrots, and tomatoes, and making it really thick. She also often makes it in large quantities, so my family usually has to eat it for a few days in a row. I don’t hate dal, it’s just that my taste buds have come to consider it boring. Anyway, I don’t really have a choice; I probably will be eating dal for as long as I eat my mom’s food.

Some people stereotype South Indian food to be boring and not as civilized (they might use the word “exotic” to be polite). If anyone thinks this, all I can say is that they have not eaten dosa (pronounced “dough-say”). Many describe it as a “savory crepe”. To make dosa, you first need to make a thick rice batter that can include some vegetables and spices. Then, you make dosas on an oiled pan like you would pancakes. Dosas can be eaten with literally anything: sambar, chutney, podi, dal, and—my favorite—by itself. Not only are dosas crispy and amazing, but it’s also fun to make them! One of my favorite childhood memories with my mother is helping her put drops of oil on the pan, pouring the batter, and flipping the dosa.

India is a large country, with so many different cuisines. My family eats Indian food that wouldn’t typically be found in an Indian-American restaurant. Some of these foods I love, some not so much. But, they are my heritage, and they will always be a part of me.

-- Rahul Durai, June 2020

Anticipation

My family and I have fallen into this routine of going nowhere outside of work, running chores or carrying out errands, but that doesn't make boredom any easier or avoid feelings of restlessness. Unlike most people we know, we have not traveled much in our lives as a family. I was planning to change some of that status quo this summer. I wanted to go on a couple of road trips before my daughter heads off to college in fall. That plan has gone nowhere, thanks to SARS-COV2. So, to fight off the listlessness we were feeling one weekend, I asked each of the kids to write about anticipating something in the future or their memory of anticipating something in the past.


Here are each of their offerings:

I have heard too many different versions of college life: extremely intense classes that have to be prepared for seemingly 24/7 without the comfort of sleep; easy, enjoyable classes that help develop passion and a wider outlook of the world. The chance to make so many new friends from all sorts of places. The chance to be overwhelmed by being one out of 8,000 freshmen. Roommates who become your best friends. Roommates who will become your worst enemies. Which of these features of college life will hold true for me? And of course COVID-19 will be a factor that will change my college life in so many new ways. I had been looking forward to making plenty of new friends and spending time with them in the dining halls and in my residence hall, which is the newest hall and has many amenities for people to study and hang out together. Now, even though the rules have been released, I am not sure how to picture what free evenings will be like. Whatever happens, good or bad, it will still be an experience, a memory, that I will look back on and be able to write about. Come what may, my freshman year will be special to me.

-- Lekha Durai, July 1, 2020

I’m really excited to work at Subway this summer. I start my first day of training tomorrow! I really wanted to get a job this summer. Coronavirus had cancelled literally every fun thing that was planned for this summer. I didn’t want to lie in bed all summer, doing nothing productive. So as soon as quarantine started, I began applying for jobs. I applied to Starbucks, Chipotle, Qdoba, Red Mango, Noodles & Company, Panera Bread, Jimmy John’s and Freshii. I heard back from none of them. Well actually, Chipotle and Qdoba emailed me back and said that they weren’t interested. Anyway, I was losing hope. I thought that there was no point in applying for more jobs because nobody would hire anyone with no job experience. A few days later, I was talking to one of my friends. She said that she was working at Subway this summer and told me to apply because they were still hiring. I thought that there was no harm in applying, but I was doubtful that I’d hear back from them. A few days later, I received a text from the manager at my local Subway. She asked me to come in for an interview! I was ecstatic. All of those hours I thought I had wasted applying for jobs had really paid off! I went to the interview and then to the orientation. I had gotten the job! Also, I’m also so grateful that the Subway I’m working at is a five minute walk from my house! So convenient. Even better, I found out yesterday that one of my friends is working there with me and another one of my friends is working at a different Subway in my town (you can cover shifts at different locations, so we can work together)! This job couldn’t be more perfect for me.

-- Divya Durai, June 23, 2020

It was a Saturday morning, yet the cold, bland air of the high school hallway made me shiver as I kept wetting the reed of my saxophone with my mouth. All the other students were loudly practicing their solos, but my nervousness distracted me. My dad kept looking around and at his watch, and I frantically walked around, holding my saxophone and looking at my music sheet. I was at Harrison High School in February, waiting to audition in ISMAA. ISMAA is a music contest in Indiana that we are required to participate in for school. Basically, we play a piece of music in front of a judge, and they give us feedback and a score. I played, “Largo and Allegro” which was in Group I, the hardest category. If you get a gold in Group I, you get to go to the state-level contest.

When the judge came back from her lunch break, she welcomed me inside the classroom used for judging. She seemed very warm and kind, not at all intimidating. I smiled when she invited me to warm up, and I practiced a couple of full-range scales. Then, when the judge had her papers organized and told me to start whenever I was ready, I took a deep, strong breath and started.

The piece started as a sad ballad, entered a dramatic part, and finished with the sad melody again. I decided that in order to get a good score, I had to be confident, and to be confident, I had to play with my heart without being conscious of every single note. So, even though some notes came out weak and some of my articulations were poor, I played the entire piece with my heart, and thus it probably sounded strong.

After I finished playing the piece, the judge took a few moments to finish grading me. Then, she looked up at me and said, “There are a few things you should keep in mind for when you go to state.” Even though my face was calm, my mind went ecstatic! “YES!,” I thought, “I got gold!!!” After she told me a few pieces of advice, I went with my dad to retrieve the gold medal, and then we went home.

The next Monday at band class, around 10 AM, my band teacher, Mr. Pettit, announced the names of those who got gold. When he got to my name, he said, “This is unicorn! Rahul was in Group I AND got a perfect score!” I was in disbelief. I had made some mistakes in my audition, so I couldn’t believe that I got a perfect! But when I looked at the grading sheet Mr. Pettit then gave me, I saw that it was true. The judge had gone easy on me, and had given me a perfect score of 9 (9 was the perfect score in ISMAA). Looking back, I think that it was not only the practice that helped me win this; it was my determination to enjoy the piece and truly play with my heart.

-- Rahul Durai, July 6, 2020

Nithya's eloquence moves mountains

My lovely niece Nithya writes about her faith wavering, and solidifying, amidst the trials in her life.

I have been encouraged several times to write a testimonial about all that happened around the birth of our second child Alan, his health crisis, surgeries and recovery. However, as Alan continued to struggle despite the best medical intervention, I put off writing a testimonial hoping that when he was a 100% healthy I could write a beautiful testimony with a happy ending; something I felt was essential for an inspiring story. However, that day has still not arrived. So you must be wondering why you are reading a testimonial from me. To answer that, I will have to start from the beginning. I was born in Bangalore in the early 80s when Bangalore lived up to its name of "Garden City". I was the middle of 3 girls and my parents brought us up believing in Jesus. We attended Sunday school and had an unwavering faith in the Bible. We moved to Delhi when I was five. Despite all the challenges my parents faced while we were growing up I was a happy child and wanted for nothing. My faith was very simple - God loved us all and if we obeyed his commands and worked hard we could achieve anything. I got good grades and went to the colleges I had aspired to attend. My life was going exactly as I planned. I fell in love in college and my life was perfect. But I was in for the jolt of my life. God had other plans for me.

The first big jolt was when I had to break up with my college sweetheart because his parents wanted him to marry someone from their community. Through the worst heartbreak of my life I held on to my faith in God and promise that God had someone better in mind. I asked God to assure me this was the right decision so I made chits - one that said choose my boyfriend and the second one that said not to choose him. I threw the chit twice and both times the answer was NO. In a moment of weakness I doubted God and confessed to him that I had made a life changing decision based on chits and still had doubts if I had made the right decision. That day when I was reading my bible this is the verse God gave me - "The lot is cast in the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord." - Proverbs 16:33. I felt like I had be punched in the gut but at the same time was overjoyed at how directly the Lord was speaking to me. I clung on to that verse through all the emotional turmoil that stewed inside me and it gave me the strength to move on. I eventually met my husband Brice and although our married life is far from perfect, we have been together for 10 years and have 2 beautiful children.

That brings me to the second jolt of my life; something that no matter how much you prepare yourself for will change the rest of the course of your life in ways you couldn't possibly imagine - the untimely death of a loved one. In my case it was my mom. It started in the summer of 2011 when I visited mom and dad in Delhi with Brice. We had been married just a little over a year. A few months earlier mom had been diagnosed with

Nithya's mother, Pauline

high blood sugar. We were upset but felt like it was inevitable as her dad suffered from diabetes and diabetes can be hereditary. Since it was hot in Delhi we decided to take a family vacation in Mussorie. Little did I know at that time that this would be the last vacation with mom. We had a lovely time but something kept bothering me about mom; she was looking very thin. Frankly cancer crossed my mind cause I knew unexplained weight loss was a red flag. So when we were back in Delhi I took her for a check-up and the doctor attributed her weight loss to her new diet due to her diabetes. A few months later dad told me he was concerned and wanted to take her to a specialist, I agreed. He called back a few hours later saying they suspect cancer and were doing further tests. I wasn’t shocked as I had a premonition a few months earlier. A couple of days later the test came back positive for pancreatic cancer. I was devasted as I knew the survival rate was in the single digits and since there was no cure for this type of cancer she would die sooner or later. It was horrible having no hope from a medical standpoint. She decided to go for surgery and chemo so we supported her praying and hoping for a miracle. I learnt I was pregnant during this time and it was a hard time emotionally. I couldn’t travel to see mom due to complications in my pregnancy and had decided to go and be with her in the 7th month until my maternity leave was over. There were times during those months when I didn’t know if I would see mom alive again and if she would hold on till I reached Delhi. I finally made it to Delhi and had Kyra. I will never forget the look on mom's face when she held Kyra for the first time when I returned home from hospital. Despite her weakness and pain she would sing to Kyra and the love that she showered on all of us in those last few months of her life was unbelievable. She had an unwavering faith that she would be healed and the few weeks before her passing when she realized she would die soon she held on to God despite the fear of death and the disappointment that He had chosen not to heal her. She said goodbye to all of us the day before she died and revealed that God would take her the next day. She breathed her last at 6 AM the next day on June 21st 2012.

Although I knew this day was coming for months nothing prepared me the emotions I felt. I questioned everything including my faith, I cried for answers to the question Why me, why my mom? But didn’t get an answer. I felt God had abandoned me. The Bible says if you have the faith of a mustard seed you can move mountains. It hit me like a pile of bricks that my faith wasn't even the size of a mustard seed.  I lost my faith. I couldn’t pray or read the Bible. I was lost for many years. As the years went by the loss of my faith and the lack of my ability to trust God took its toll on me. I developed severe anxiety as I worried about everything. I couldn't surrender anything to God. Years rolled by. Nothing in life had any real meaning. I was just existing. In 2017, I learnt I was pregnant again. I had a really tough pregnancy and was looking forward to having the baby and the extended maternity leave. Alan arrived on February 1st 2018 and we were thrilled. It was after a long time that I felt pure joy and was grateful to be alive. Our joy was short-lived as the next day Alan was not feeding and his tummy became distended. They shifted him to the NICU and soon after told us he would need emergency exploratory abdomen surgery. I had been crying since the time they shifted Alan to NICU as I felt hopeless. I couldn't even pray during the worst moments of my life. I tried but no words would come out. We had no idea what was the problem and had to sign off on them just poking around in our new-born's abdomen. We signed the consent forms and I went to see Alan one last time before he went into surgery. I said goodbye to him begging him to come back to me but also trying to take in that moment knowing that it might be the last time I saw him alive. It was undoubtedly the most painful moment of my life. When I look back honestly I don’t know how I got through it. Alan came through surgery and the doctors came out and spoke to us. They explained that Alan had Hirschsprung's disease and they had created a colostomy. He would need a second surgery to remove the damaged portions of his bowel and reconnect everything. I decided to take it one day at a time and that’s how I got through the months leading up to his second surgery. His second surgery took place when he was 5 months and it was complicated as he had adhesions from his first surgery. It took 7 hours and his recovery was slow. We were in hospital for 13 days instead of 3 days initially planned. After that he developed infection after infection and we were back in hospital several times. The doctors were puzzled by his complications and we visited several surgeons who wanted to do more surgery.

It was during this time that I cried out to God to help. I realized I had no standing with God but knew in my heart that God had brought us so far and he was the only one who could heal Alan. Healing came slowly; Alan made it to his first birthday and then to his second. We continued to have several scares; the last one as recent as May but the intensity of the infections have reduced and his recovery is faster. I continue to pray for complete healing for Alan. My faith is not the same as when I was young. It is different and I feel like I'm back at the start, a beginner. The Lord is helping me build my faith from scratch. But now I have hope, I savour the time spent with Alan and Kyra in the moment instead of worrying about the future. The word of God has deeper meaning now because of all that I have been through. I don't know what the future holds and there are days when everything seems too much to bear but I have the belief that with God on my side I will be able to help others through my struggles. I would like to end with the famous verse from Psalm 23:1 - "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want." We have heard this verse a million times but how many of us truly accept God to the degree that we want for nothing. Have we surrendered to Him to lead, protect and guide us. Have we reached that point in our lives where He is enough.

It is my hope for each of us that we can say without a doubt "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."

Love Nithya.

Nithya with Kyra and Alan

Never have I ever...been this delighted to watch a new, young celebrity-in-the-making

Maitreyi Ramakrishnan, not Mindy Kaling, drew me to watch the new teen Netflix series. And Maitreyi Ramakrishnan's charm, not Mindy Kaling's star, kept me glued to it. I am delighted that a seemingly down-to-earth, middle-class, Sri Lankan Tamil Canadian kid from Toronto is here to live out a Hollywood dream. It is easy to see why Maitreyi won the role over 15,000 other contenders -- she has a natural charm, is lively, spunky, and still disarmingly untouched by her own (healthy) ambition and early success. I love watching how Toronto celebrates her and am impressed by how well (how naturally) and lightly she wears her teen icon status. Her Tamil parents have raised her well, is all I can think.

I found the Devi character quite annoying -- I know, I am supposed to remember being a teen myself and also cut some slack given that Devi is experiencing a traumatic loss. Except for the loss of her father, Devi's story line is predictable: high achieving AND good looking South Asian kid with a physician parent; has an affinity for a high-achieving, well-off Jewish kid despite herself and their early rivalry, despite her attraction to a good-looking, non-stereotypically sensitive athlete. Come on! But the show, we are told, is based on Mindy Kaling's life. Kaling is lucky (alright, more than lucky, quite thorough actually) that she searched the world and found Maitreyi to play Devi for her and Poorna Jagannathan to play the mother. I certainly credit the full cast for my interest rather than the story and dialog itself.

The last episode of the first season, minus the drama, was my favorite episode of them all -- Nalini was more than a caricatured Indian American mother, an educated, liberal Indian woman. The trio of the women in the family reminded me of what I want for myself and my daughters -- relying on one another even when we each are different in our own ways.


Here are my kids' thoughts in their own words, uncensored, unedited:


I appreciate the effort that Never Have I Ever took to incorporate so much diversity; most of both the major and minor characters are minorities, especially Asian Americans. I also value the show’s decision to make Devi and her family be Tamil because I feel like the average American automatically associates an Indian person as a person who speaks Hindi. I liked that they show Devi’s family members speaking Tamil and eating Tamil food with their hands.

The show is entertaining, funny, and lively, while at the same time demonstrating the pain that people face. Although on the outside Devi often comes across as outgoing and comical, she is still going through a lot mentally and emotionally, what with the grief she faces from her father’s recent death, the shame she feels from having to be in a wheelchair even though she overcame her leg paralysis, and the struggles of trying to be popular and well-liked at school that she experiences. In a way, Ben, her academic rival, is much the same way going through internal pain though coming across as content. He always shows off to Devi and appears to be so proud of his academic success but in reality he is extremely lonely, always feels abandoned by his parents, and doesn’t have true friends to connect with (for the most part of the show). With these two dynamic characters, Never Have I Ever exposes the stigma of mental health problems that is especially common in high school.

-- Lekha Durai, May 24, 2020


I thought that Never Have I Ever was a pretty good show. It was entertaining and kept me really hooked while watching it, which is what a good show should do for viewers. It was also so cool to see Indian American representation in American media. I’m so used to watching shows like this, with a similar storyline, with a primarily white cast, so the diversity in the show was nice. It was really cool to see someone that looks like me represented on American television. Having said that, I do feel like the show had a few flaws. First of all, the dialogue was often poorly written. Some lines in the show were so cringey that they would never be spoken in real life. I think the script writers intended for these lines to be funny, but they just weren’t. 

Devi’s mom’s character confused me quite a bit throughout the show. She was supposed to come across as a typical, strict Indian mother, but she often had no reaction to things Devi and Kamala did. For example, she didn’t care when Devi stayed at Ben’s house. She didn’t know Ben or his parents very well, but she just let her daughter stay there all by herself for a week. Secondly, she had almost no reaction when she saw Kamala’s boyfriend in Kamala’s room the day they were meeting her potential husband. She even adds, nonchalantly, that she’d known about him all along. I’m excited for season two of this show to come out, but I hope that the script writers use the constructive criticism people have expressed about the show in the next season’s script.

-- Divya Durai, May 22, 2020


Never Have I Ever is a Netflix teen series created and written by Mindy Kaling. Narrated by John McEnroe, the show is from the perspective of the protagonist, Devi Vishwakumar (Maitreyi Ramakrishnan), a fifteen-year-old Indian-American girl. The plot highlights Devi’s struggles, which reflect those of many immigrant children. As a Tamil-Canadian living in America, I respect the historical significance of Kaling’s show. However, I would not recommend it; it is poorly written and unrealistic, and also has an unclear plot and mood.

Mindy Kaling is known for her writing; she has written for The Office and many books. However, Kaling did a poor job with writing Never Have I Ever— the dialogue is not authentic. If you watch the show, you’ll notice that the actors do an amazing job to make the dialogue seem authentic. But, many sentences—written by Kaling—still do not sound right. This is partly because Kaling tries too hard to put humor where it is not needed.

As an Indian-Canadian student in the U.S., I could not relate to Kaling’s depiction of high school. She centered the show’s high school on having different cliques that stereotype each other. That depiction is true to an extent, but far too many teen shows and movies have used and exaggerated it. Kaling’s depiction of high school may be true to her experiences as a teenager, but they do not hold for Gen-Z students like myself.

In Never Have I Ever, Devi struggles through the love-hate relationship she has with her immigrant mother. But she also has to figure how to handle her feelings for her crush, Paxton. She also stumbles in being there for her friends—Fabiola, who needs support as she realizes that she is gay, and Eleanor, who struggles in her relationship with her mother. But that’s not all—Devi’s cousin, Kamala, has to choose between her boyfriend and her family’s chosen groom. Also, Devi’s friend, Ben, has to find his way out of loneliness. And if that’s not enough, Devi’s mother Nalini, who misses her late husband, is reminded of memories of him. Clearly, Kaling did not create a clear plot that solves a main conflict. There is nothing wrong with a complicated plot, but it must be executed smoothly for a good story. And Kaling failed to center all of these unrelated conflicts into one central idea. And in the midst of all of these serious conflicts, Kaling tries to insert humor where it doesn’t fit. Humor is totally fine, but in Never Have I Ever, it creates an unsettled mood. Too often while watching the show, I wasn’t sure whether to feel sadness, anger, or humor. All of these unclear conflicts and moods produce an unclear purpose. After watching all of the episodes, I do not have a good answer to why Kaling created this show other than it gives cultural representation and makes money.

Never Have I Ever gives much deserved representation to minorities like myself, and it highlights many problems that many teenagers go through, from trying to fit in and be liked to trying to come out about your sexuality. But Kaling did not produce these ideas into a good show. The dialogue was written poorly; the plot, mood, and purpose was unclear; and the depiction of high school was unrealistic. The show is probably popular due to Kaling’s name and its historical significance, but it does not live up to valid expectations.

-- Rahul Durai, May 24, 2020

Short films that I enjoyed recently

I love cinema, especially world cinema. Netflix and online streaming options have opened up a new world of many possibilities. Here are a few recent ones that I've thoroughly enjoyed and wish that others will share my enthusiasm.


Irrfan Khan, a much-adored Indian actor who transcended the divides among different movie genres, died recently at a relatively young age. Several people, friends as well as online strangers, expressed what I was feeling: that we ache at his passing and grieve as if we knew him personally, even though we rarely feel this way about celebrities. For about a week, I walked around with a heavy heart, unable to shake my sadness on his behalf -- that life cheated him in his prime by taking him away. I watched a couple of movies on Netflix, looked for some YouTube clips, and searched for bits and pieces of his past on Google. And perhaps, because of this pattern, the all-seeing Big Brother of the online world recommended me the following on YouTube one morning as I was waking up. I cannot explain the immense sense of satisfaction and fulfillment I got from this artistic offering: the story-telling, the music, the acting. Best of all, Irrfan Khan.

Ek shaam ki mulakaat, via YouTube

 
I recently watched the Tamil movie 'Sethum aayiram pon' on Netflix. Almost documentary-like, the first half of the movie -- the life of the 'oppari' (professional mourner) woman in a village, the 'make-up' artists for the dead, the sassy young sidekick (played by Gabrella sellus) shattering all stereotypes of a timid Indian village woman, the estranged grand-daughter hard-boiled enough on her own to be self-sufficient, bold and independent in the city, the rivalry of a wife and a mistress playing out at the funeral -- all captivated me immensely. The story line of the second half meandered somewhat making it difficult for me to find the plot believable, but not to the point of losing interest. The female characters and the actresses (Nivedhithaa Sathish, Srilekha Rajendran, and the 8-year old whose name I couldn't find) who played them kept my eyes glued to the scene -- each one of them, across the generations, were full of spunk. However, I want to sing a special song of praise for Gabrella Sellus with her twinkling eyes and sassy personality. Cellus so piqued my interest and lit a fire of longing for many lost years without Tamil cinema and a nostalgia for the '80s that I searched online for more of her movies. As far as I can tell, there are not that many -- yet -- but she has the online presence of what I assume to be the younger generation's -- TikTok, short movies, some interviews. I couldn't decide between two of my favorite short movies and, so, I link to both here. Check them out.

Vaemba

Unmaiyarivaayo Vanna Malare

 
I found a link and recommendation to 'Relationship Deli' on New York Times' Short Film of the Day feature. I watched it 5 or 6 times already and each time I find the dialogues funnier and funnier and i pay attention to newer lines. Ladies, don't let this one pass. One of those things that makes you feel you are definitely not alone. Without saying any more, here it is: The Relationship Deli.   

 

E-Learning

After reading a NYT article on online classes by a Junior High student, I asked my own children to write 150 words about their e-learning experience. My children's school moved to e-learning in late March, after an extended spring break. I was upset that, in addition to the forced changes that schools have had to necessarily make, they tweaked the learning in more ways than we all anticipated. E-learning days were just M-W-F, with T-Th reserved for teacher prep. So three-day work weeks instead of five-day weeks. Each day supposedly began at 9:00 am and lasted only until 2:30 pm, a full two-hour reduction to each working day. Moreover, rarely were classes live, prompting my children to wake up late, go to bed late, etc. It was frustrating that not only do they stay home without any club or other extracurricular activities (understandable yes) but the actual hours spent in structured learning e-classrooms were fewer than expected. I worried that study skills and habits will deteriorate, especially for the one child who is the least studious among my three children and who was also recently diagnosed with ADHD -- the one who doesn't let her schooling interfere with her life, the one who already drives me up the wall.

In reality, it worked out OK -- not too great, but not too shabby either. My two children who are good students followed through with all their assignments and spent as many hours as usual on their schoolwork and picked up on self-teaching and lifelong learning skills. My child with ADHD actually focused on her lessons better than while in class (or so she says), likely due to being by herself, away from other students in class, and thus avoiding the distraction that afflicts her when she is surrounded by peers. On her own, she is free to make mistakes, take risks, and learn in the process, devoid of the perception of being judged for not knowing or being slow. This experience with e-learning has sparked the hope in me that this child will be a good candidate for a hybrid college life -- part online, part in-class.

Below are my children's experiences in their own words:

E-learning is certainly not the ideal method of learning. In my chemistry class, my teacher recorded a video of himself doing one of our labs in his house since we couldn't do the lab ourselves. In the video, he told us out loud the numerical data we had to write down to use for further calculations. Even though we would often be very confused on the procedure, would have to ask each other for help, and wouldn't always be certain if we had collected good data, doing labs in school taught us to think critically and be independent and helped us reinforce chemistry concepts in a different way rather than studying them in our textbook. 

In some of my classes, class discussion and teacher explanations are fundamental. In my personal finance class, my teacher normally explains financial concepts in simple terms and always gives specific examples of how finance concepts play out in all of our lives. We would watch explanatory videos but my teacher would do the important job of connecting the videos' contents back to our own lives. There would also be many opportunities to participate in class. With e-learning, we only watch the videos and submit short responses to questions. In economics, my teacher would always encourage as to read our textbook as we answered written questions, but in class he would still spend sometimes an entire period explaining a chapter's material and using references to sports, media, and celebrities to teach us economics. Although with e-learning he tries to write up explanations using popular references, it still does not have the same effect as hearing explanations out loud and being able to ask questions in-person rather than through email. Lastly, my government class is similar in this way. Earlier, my teacher would also spend most of the class talking and explaining our material, so clearly that those of us who paid attention would hardly have to read the textbook to prepare for tests. I would rarely get homework in government and it was a class I did not have to focus a lot of my out-of-class time on. Currently my teacher feels obligated to give us an assignment every day of e-learning and this is a lot more work than I am used to doing for this subject. 

E-learning is generally much easier for me and takes a much shorter time than in-person learning does. Before, I would go through an entire school day before coming home at 3:30 with a list of assignments from most classes to finish by the end of the day. Now, I wake up and start my assignments for each class right away, rather than going through what normally happens in my classes. Add the fact that e-learning is only three days a week and that makes it even easier. I have a lot more free time now and I honestly enjoy that part. I sometimes finish all of my work by mid-afternoon with the evening to enjoy. My classmates and I are experiencing senioritis and e-learning is only making it a lot easier for ourselves. But of course, there is still a price to pay when school becomes really easy and there are no tests. When I begin college in-person it will be an especially huge change for all of us.  

E-learning might not be an ideal system of education, although it is more convenient for many students like me. Yet we should be glad that we are even able to have e-learning; that we have computers and Internet, unlike people from many parts of the world. We can afford to get used to this system for a few months, stay home and practice social distancing, and make going back to school again in the near future happen.

-- Lekha Durai, May 5, 2020

I have mixed feelings about the whole e-learning thing. For one, I get to wake up a whole two hours later than I usually do for school, which is nice and all, but it’s annoying how long I usually work on e-learning each day. We’re supposed to be able to be done with e-learning every day at 2:30, but I normally finish all of my assignments around 5 every day. Some of my teachers really like to stack up on assignments for us. Live meetings are just not like regular school. Teachers try to make small talk with everyone, but it’s just awkward doing it through the screen. If the teacher decides to say something to you specifically during the live meeting, you have to quickly unmute yourself, respond, and mute yourself again. Also, if one of your family members decides to walk into your room during the live meeting and say something, it’s kind of embarrassing. Every day, whether it’s an e-learning day or not, my phone is constantly blowing up with Canvas notifications, Google Classroom notifications, and emails saying, “Larry Murphy created a new assignment” or “Jenn Hubbard” invites you to a live meeting Friday at 10:30.” In all, e-learning is not the best, but it’s not bad under the circumstances. I’d still take it over regular school any day.

-- Divya Durai, May 7, 2020

E-learning is extremely bittersweet. I love how laid-back it is; no longer do we have an overload of homework, and we are able to spend more time on activities other than school. However, we students aren’t getting the benefits of socially-interacting with classmates. In fact, the only social interaction we are getting outside of our families is by texting (and sometimes calling) those within our own friend groups, whereas in real school we have the experience of talking in person to everyone, even those who are outside of our friend groups. E-learning also creates a new kind of stress: Students have to work solely with a computer. In real school, we have a mix of sitting, standing, using a computer, using a notebook, talking, and listening. In e-learning, we are sitting in front of a computer for hours every day. Finally, with spring sports cancelled, we aren’t participating in any organized sports. This gives us no athletic accountability, so we aren’t pressured to exercise every day and only do it when we want to. So, while e-learning isn’t painful to experience for a short period of time, it definitely will be unhealthy and not fun if it is needed long-term.

-- Rahul Durai, May 6, 2020

  

Stay-at-home order

It is now nearly two months since schools closed in our state in response to COVID-19 spread. My children have e-learning and I worked from home until April 30. E-learning requires my children to be "in class" only on M-W-Fs for only about 5 hours each day. T-Th are teacher prep days and so my kids sleep in, do some homework (or not) and generally take life easier than when they were expected to be at school physically. So, I came up with different ideas of how they could be spending their time more productively. Not one was tried out or followed. Did I say my kids are teens now? 

So, after some frustrating days when they rolled their eyes at everything from board games to signing up for a Coursera course, I put my foot down and somehow wrangled a deal with them. They will each write a short essay of 150 words on a topic of my choice so I can put it up on my blog without requiring them to edit their piece. I am not sure what I promised in return -- maybe that I will stop screaming? -- but here is their first assignment for me. 

On the Thursday before spring break, my friend told me that the next day, Friday, may be our last day of high school for the year.  I wasn’t really worried or concerned unlike other people and I underestimated how much change could happen in our school district, even if change was happening in other parts of the country and in China and Italy. I never thought she would be right about it being the last day.

The number of big changes that are happening is insane. Prom is cancelled. Graduation will be virtual or pushed late into the summer. My Bharatanatyam performance cancelled. Video chats with an entire class and teacher. Piano lessons through Facetime. Videos of chemistry labs instead of doing the labs ourselves. Online college Q&A broadcasts instead of campus visits. I find it crazy that it takes a pandemic for literally the whole world to be experiencing the same thing. Even though I’m going through a lot of changes, they are nothing compared to what infected patients, life-risking medical workers, and laid-off workers are experiencing.

Throughout these weeks, I spend time with family, connect with my future college peers online, and text friends. I pay attention to the news a lot because there is no other time like now to be doing so. I learn about utterly distressing stories related to Covid-19 and just recently heard that a classmate’s relative was affected by it.

Even two months ago I would never have pictured being in this situation. Our lives might be limited right now but we must remember that we are all living through history and we are all in this together. I’m just thankful that my family and I are safe and that my community cares about protecting everyone, even if it means staying at home. 

 -- Lekha, a high school senior who, as one of Class of 2020, will be missing out on graduation parties and ceremony.

I did a lot of things during quarantine that I would’ve never done if I hadn’t been stuck at home for a long period of time. One of them is that I have baked and cooked every day. I’ve noticed that a lot of people I know are baking and cooking during quarantine. It’s a really easy and fun way to pass time in the day and it’s also a really good life skill. In addition, it makes me feel good when my family and friends enjoy the food I make. Last week, I made cake pops for eight friends and delivered them to their mailboxes. I had this idea because I saw a lot of people online writing their friends letters and sending them gifts to show their friends how much they cared about them and missed them. I decided to make cake pops because I love the ones at Starbucks and I knew they’d be a challenge for me to make on my own They took a very long time to make, since I had never made them ever before and because there were multiple flaws in the recipe I used, but I was really proud of the end product. All of my friends texted me later raving about how good they were and that made me feel really good and that the long process was worth it.

 -- Divya,who took 2 days to create the most colorful cake pops.

What I Enjoy Doing During Quarantine

          Walks:

The wind gives me small goosebumps. Millions of strands of green grass are approaching out of the ground. The road is almost empty of cars. The trees unapologetically stretch their branches as far as they can. The greyish-blue sky is quite dull. In the air, I can smell the soil and the thousands of animals in and around it. 

It is a plain old evening during Spring, and I am walking with my mom and my dog in West Lafayette. As simple and boring as it may seem, this is one of my favorite treasures during boring times like quarantine. This is the time of day where I can experience the calm, mysterious nature. Nature is a world that seems uninteresting, but when you walk through it, you can see how complicated and beautiful it is. From a distance, a tree looks nothing out of the ordinary, but when you walk under it, you can see the beauty of every branch and the thousands of lives it houses. When you walk through nature, you see a story that makes you forget all of your stresses. And humans are supposed to experience nature, for that is where they originally come from.

When on a walk with my mother, who at home seems permanently stressed with work and family conflict, I can see the inside of her. In the midst of nature, all of her stresses wash away, and I can see her invaluable knowledge, wisdom, kindness, and heart. I know that when she talks to me on a walk, she cares about me and is happy. Thus, going on a walk is one of my favorite things to do with my mother.

Walks bring my dog, Legacy, to her origins of nature, and she is at her peak of happiness. At home, she is constantly surrounded with our stresses and fights. But when on a walk in nature, when all of our stresses are gone, Legacy can come back to where she originally came from, the natural world, and experience it with us.

A walk isn’t just one hour for exercise. A walk brings you closer to those you love and closer to where all life belongs, nature.

-- Rahul, the youngest and therefore the sincerest when he puts his mind to it.

Keeping sane -- Part I

So much has happened this year already and it is only the 1st of April. Nine long months more to go to start anew. As an epidemiologist only partly contributing to epidemiology (and mostly working in Outcomes Assessment), I am pulled into the ongoing news cycle of the COVID-19 pandemic even though I have work that keeps me away from it. But how can anyone, leave alone an epidemiologist, turn away from this living laboratory whose results we can only partly imagine and partly deduce from ever-changing, dynamic models? These models are dynamic because they are dependent on variable inputs like population demographics, policy, public health messaging, degree and nature of social distancing, compliance, severity of cases, healthcare facilities, to name just a few.  

Everyone who is under lock down now to prevent or minimize the spread of COVID-19 understands the importance of physical distancing while staying emotionally and socially connected. The internet has helped us much in this. But how did people do this historically during other times of crises such as wars, pogroms/genocides, previous pandemics, incarceration, or kidnappings? How did they stay sane given additional fear and stress factors such as being discovered hiding, breaking the law or being hunted? What experiences did they endure? What degrees of mental strength did they possess or cultivate? What routines of habit did they cultivate? In a series of blog posts I hope to put a collection together as a testament to human trials and tragedies, including triumphs over life's unexpected and sometimes grueling circumstances.  

I start with what history teaches us about life under pandemics -- about implementing quarantine and conveying need for social distancing. This National Geographic article has charts demonstrating lowered curves and second waves in cities where social distancing wasn't enforced long enough. 

In 2007, two studies published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences sought to understand how responses influenced the disease’s spread in different cities. By comparing fatality rates, timing, and public health interventions, they found death rates were around 50 percent lower in cities that implemented preventative measures early on, versus those that did so late or not at all. The most effective efforts had simultaneously closed schools, churches, and theaters, and banned public gatherings. This allowed time for vaccine development and lessened the strain on health care systems.

The studies reached another important conclusion: That relaxing intervention measures too early could cause an otherwise stabilized city to relapse. St. Louis, for example, was so emboldened by its low death rate that the city lifted restrictions on public gatherings less than two months after the outbreak began. A rash of new cases soon followed. Of the cities that kept interventions in place, none experienced a second wave of high death rates.

This NYT article is an introduction to social distancing during the plague.

Charles II issued a formal order in 1666 that ordered a halt to all public gatherings, including funerals. Already, theaters had been shut down in London, and licensing curtailed for new pubs. Oxford and Cambridge closed.

But here is what catches my eye in this article:

Isaac Newton was one of the students sent home, and his family was among the wealthy who fled the cities so they could shelter in place at their country homes. He spent the plague year at his family estate, teasing out the foundational ideas for calculus.

If only all of us can hunker down, discipline our minds and focus on one accomplishment. But the distractions in this modern world are too many, at least for me. 

In my next post, I will write about some people who weren't as fortunate as Newton was and describe how they passed their time, so our own lock downs seem like a vacation in comparison.